Six months away from my country taught me a lot about how it feels to live in a well developed country but also gave me this mini nostalgia of not being in my city. I was able to differentiate this feeling in three phases and title it as ‘How I feel about India when I look at it from US’. First phase, was in the time of summer, when I had a beautiful notion of falling in love with the country I was visiting for the first time. Noticing every damn thing and comparing it to India, telling my family about each & every similarity that I found in US and India, told them about the variety of cuisines available in India now and how people are trying to incorporate sustainability in their routine.
Second was the phase of Fall, when I found the most beautiful site of America, with a sheet of orange, pink and brown trees. I fell for Fall and every detail of nature that I got to witness. Also because I had spent enough months to learn and unlearn my lessons. Got used to the differences and the etiquette of US. Felt the difference in authenticity of cuisines after trying them all from right places. Understood that despite having some similar facilities, how they have been maintained is what matters more than just having them. Despite the hurdles of managing work and fun, life felt easier in US as daily struggles in little things for which we unknowingly spend a lot of time in our routines are replaced with easier solutions here.
And then came the third phase. The time of Winters. The quiet, the coldest site of United States shining under the white sheet of snow. The time when I enjoyed every damn thing, took some time out from routine to paint, read and create more. Despite having only few days left there, I had a strange feeling of longing to be in my own country and city. After having been traveled to different parts of North America, I started missing little random encounters I had in Surat. The warmth in the sunshine, the grassy smell of Indian farms in the wind. I started missing the beauty I never failed to discover in randomness of Surat! come across a random chaai wala and stop for a sip of warm chaai. To observe the trucks, bicycles passing by. Seeing a friend offering tea to another, a father buying a pack of biscuits for his children, a baby crying in the cradle while its mother prepares tea for customers. I remember feeling the stares of strange men with the look of surprise coz they didn’t expect a civilized girl having tea at the dhaaba near the highway alone.
I miss riding my scooter, taking new routes every time with a desire to see new farms, new people, new tea stalls or cafes, new sight of birds flying from a small pond leaving a beautiful reflection of ‘V’ behind.
A post shared by AmreenKhan | Travel & Flatlays (@ameyswift) on Dec 27, 2019 at 9:13pm PST
I remember seeing a women walking miles from the farms, carrying a bunch of fire-wood on their head, sometimes plowing fields side by side with other muscular men. I miss the evening breeze that brought chill to my dripping sweat from an afternoon ride. I sit with my feet crossed like a proper desi girl with cup in my hand, watch the sunset far away from the fields. Small talks with Rikshawaalas (auto driver) and Sabziwalas (vegetables seller) which sometimes leave you in bundle of thoughts. I miss the taste of Paani puri and chaats.
Bumping into friends randomly at some cafe and talking for hours. Discussing daily hustle and about how I have been waiting for the day when seasons of life will change. Have been watching the seasons change from my window here since past five months, but still missing woh shiqayato wali baatein. Why am I missing these things? Despite the fact that I have been witnessing beauty each day, I get a little nostalgia of my sheher! Aur uski Gaao waali baatein.
Left in the pool of thoughts and questions of ‘Will I be the same Amreen again?’, ‘Have I changed?’, ‘Will I be able to cross legs on an old, rusty and dusty seat?’. When I miss all of it, my heart says ‘Hell yes!’.
After all that’s where I came from and belong.
Photographs and Write up by Amreen Khan
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